The Weekly R.E.P.O.R.T.

horny lumberjacks, elite springbreakers, & the perfect friday night

Hey y’all! Happy APRIL!!!!! This week marked the official end of this year’s Nowruz season. I’ve officially packed up my haft-sin. In honor of sizdah bedar, my sister and I tied up up my sabzi in knots, each knot symbolizing a wish for the coming year, and released it into the East River. And by released, I mean violently chucked, because the current was so strong and the wind was making it impossible. Ugh. My Baba says we still received our blessings, though. Win some, lose some.

We’re also about to turn a celestial corner, apparently. The eclipses have come to an end, according to my resident eclipse expert, Ariel. Mercury is about to no longer be in retrograde and thank god for that. Personally, this is a giant relief. I legitimately sighed so loudly in my local indie bookstore this week that the bookseller had to come up and ask me if I was okay. Do you know how not okay you need to look and sound for a Brooklyn bookseller to feel compelled to check in??? These guys usually give nary a fuck. Still, I appreciated the gesture. So much so that I proceeded to spend $50 on books. STOML. Here’s the report:

Reading: I read 11 books in the month of March, but before we get into all that, let’s discuss the three I consumed last week: